Oil Change - funny

Why is it that I can picture some of you guys going through this process? You know who you are.

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8 ) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18 ) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28 ) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38 ) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

Man... those instructions are soooooo wrong... everyone knows you pay with a credit/debit card... not check.

#6 should be open up the hood, let the wind rip it out of your hands and slam it against the windshield, creasing the hood and chipping the paint!

Hmmmm...sounds familar. My favorite is #24...too funny. I laughed my ass off reading this!

Yeah I have been there once or twice.

Thanks Kat... Laurie was reciting those steps as I tried to tackle it yesterday...

1) Strip top totally off the truck since it is beautiful day.

2) Spent a small fortune at the auto store (new drain pan, funnel, case of oil, ooooh Slick 50... ahhhh... shiney... focus... Hey new JP mag we still aren't in ... sorry honey I'll put that back ).

3) Come home and say "hey... I thought it was supposed to rain... guess they were wrong... let's get the oil changed while it is still light out".

4) Pull oil plug... uh oh... is that a sprinkle.

5) Make a mad dash for the house to grab all the soft top parts.

6) Check oil flow... lay under Jeep thinking it might pass and it is dry under here.

7) Install frame, side windows, upper halfs... lift and toss wife into truck without warning as it starts to POUR!!!

try to put rear window on from inside... realize I have to go out in the downpour to do it because now the rear of the Jeep is filling with water off the top.

9) get soaked to the core in about 1 minute while stupid double zipper won't start.

10) shiver uncontrolably as wind picks up and throws open hood against window.

11) latch hood down... try rear window again.. rear window on... now dash flooding because we forgot to latch the front clips before doing everything else, and now they won't reach.

12) remind wife not to start Jeep for heat since oil is empty.

13) try to remove oil filter so we can refill the oil... resort to pickle fork and sledge hammer...

14) remeber tool box is open behind truck, and now 12 inches of water running off the truck has filled it

15) install plug, can't see through glasses anymore... install filter by feel.

16) fill oil, close hood, test fire to check for leaks...

17) drain tool box...

18) rain stops...

And, remember, Kat...you're just one of the guys...

Well...so am I

I couldn't control laughin while reading this tread, it is funny....thank I needed that...hahahahLOL